Down with the metric system! No more foreign rulers!
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\nWhy did the scarecrow get a trophy?<\/p>\n
He was outstanding in his field.
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\nWhat is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?<\/p>\n
WAHHTAAAAA!
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\nWhat did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?<\/p>\n
Bison
\n(Thanks Antonia!)
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\nTwo guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. The first guy says “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy, says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.”<\/p>\n
He goes up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman says, “Ok then, come on in.”<\/p>\n
The second guy sees this and does the same thing. He goes up to the pub, and the doorman says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman responds, “You have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy stops for a second, and exclaims, “They gave me a chihuahua?”<\/p>\n
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\nI never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.<\/p>\n
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\nTwo whales walk into a bar.<\/p>\n
The first whale says to the other, “WOOOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”<\/p>\n
The second whale says, “Shut up Steve, you’re drunk.”<\/p>\n
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\n“A baby seal walks into a bar…”<\/p>\n
It’s only clean if you don’t think about it.
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\nHow many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
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\nA higgs-boson particle walks up to a Catholic church.<\/p>\n
The priest stops him at the door and says “I’m sorry, you can’t participate in our service today.”<\/p>\n
The higgs-boson particle says “What?! You can’t have mass without me!”
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\nTwo goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
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\nWhat do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?<\/p>\n
Philippe Philoppe.<\/p>\n
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\nWhat do you do if you’re attacked by a group of clowns?<\/p>\n
Go for the juggler.
\n————————<\/p>\n
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a beer please.” and the second one says, “I’ll have half of what he’s having.” The third one says, “I’ll have a fourth of a beer.” The fourth one says, “I’ll have an eighth of a beer.” The bartender says, “Oh, screw you all” and pulls out two beers.<\/p>\n
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\nQ: What did the buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?<\/p>\n
A: “Make me one with everything.”
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\nA photon checks into an hotel and is asked if help is needed for his luggage.
\nHe says, no, I’m traveling light.
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\nAll the fish were dying.. it was an act of cod
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\nIt was raining dogs and cats… i accidentally stepped into a poodle
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\nNew broom that came out – sweeping the nation
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\nmy computer sings – its a dell
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\ntry on my reversible jacket – can’t wait to see how it turns out
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\ngay jokes arnt funny – come on guys
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\nthieves stole my soap yesterday – dirty bastards
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\nMexican serial killer – he had loco motives
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\nused to be addicted to soap – im clean
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\nlesbian neighbors cant afford a double ended dildo – they are struggling to make ends meets
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\nwhy coudnt the bike stand up on – it was too tired
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\ngot a job cutting cans – its so depressing
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\nWhy couldn’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his friend?
\nThey were both cauldron.
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\nWhat kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?
\nReality
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\nHow does Moses make tea?
\nHebrews it
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\nHey! This parking is for frogs only. All others will be toad
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\nI went to check out the air and space museum. Nothing was there. (TY Linds!)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Down with the metric system! No more foreign rulers! —————– Why did the scarecrow get a trophy? He was outstanding in his field. ————— What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? WAHHTAAAAA! —————— What did the buffalo say to his son … Continue reading